Looking at the bright side of life

Today we’re going to look at the bright side of life. Here are some observations. Life has changed a lot since I was small. It made me laugh. I hope it tickles your funny bone.

Kids today are always trying to find themselves. When you come from a family of eight and sleep three in a bed, you never get lost! We didn’t need police to find us, we didn’t need psychologists or psychiatrists to find us. We stuck together like glue.

Sometimes I wondered if that crud in the bathtub kept us close. Did I say bathtub? It really was a tub you took a bath in. Usually the little ones went first. I don’t know if it was because they had to go to bed first or that there was less skin to be dirty. But anyway, then the next one and the next one. All used the same water. Nobody died from it that I know.

Nowadays kids want their space. We had our space. I’d start out at the outside of the bed. That was my first space. Then my sister would come to bed and roll me in the middle. That was my second space. That was what we knew about space. We didn’t know about outer space or being spaced out. Tell me the truth. Are you feeling sorry for us? I don’t. I feel sorry for you!

We were so innocent. Spin the bottle was x-rated. We didn’t have to buy queen and king size beds to make room for all those partners in our bed. Really, I think the kids today think that the answer to their sex problems is a bigger bed. Every time the doctors stress the fact that when you have sex with a person, you are not only going to bed with that person, but every person that person went to bed with and so on down the line, you know what happens? There’s a big rush for king size beds!

When I was in high school, I used to drink pink ladies and old fashioneds. My mother taught me to be a lady and my father taught me to be old fashioned. But now I drink Geritol and Metamucil. Oh yes, and I can’t forget baking soda. You brush your teeth with it and then you swallow it for your “achetu” (Italian indigestion).

A true compliment is one you give without expecting a receipt.

Reassurance: A plane was about to take off, but then taxied back. The passengers waited for about an hour before the plane took off again. A passenger asked an attendant what happened. She said the pilot thought he heard a noise and turned back. It took us a while to find a new pilot!

If you don’t like what’s coming out of your mouth, you have a bad heart condition. Change it to a good heart condition and you’ll be surprised at what comes out of your mouth.

How come I’m not very tall, but I can fall head long?

On the economy: When the rich get tax refunds, what do you think they are going to buy? What don’t they already have? On the other hand, what will the middle class buy with their tax refund? All the things they want and couldn’t afford.

What will the poor do with the tax refund? Well, first of all many will not get a refund. Those that do will buy some of the things they need because there’s not enough to buy all the things they need. Tell me who can help the economy the most?

If we don’t take care of our needy in some way, we’ll have to care for them in another way, like subsidized housing, welfare, free dental care and health care, etc.

But these methods are OK. Because we are taking away their pride. For them humility is a good thing.

One way or another, it’s going to cost us. Why not give us good returns by spending this money wisely. Give them a job and a mentor to create a new way of living. Do we have such programs? The public has a right to know.